Romance in the Age of Technology

2009-09-13T11:30:00.000-07:00

Awesome article on finding old lovers on facebook.(TIME.com) They are calling it "retrosexual".

excerpt:
Most retrosexual experiences seem to spring from an intense, almost uncontrollable mixture of nostalgia and interest. "You get a thrill out of finding an old girlfriend just to see if she still likes you," says W. Keith Campbell, a University of Georgia psychology professor and co-author of The Narcissism Epidemic. "You're curious to see what she looks like, and it's easy to fantasize about alternative courses your life might have taken." It's the same feeling that compels people to attend high school reunions.

Full Article

I have to admit this happened to me, sort of. A person I grew up with found me on fb. We never dated but had a long, (sometimes flirtatious) friendship and even made out a few times as teenagers. We had seen each other since all of that but had not hung out in maybe 7 years.
He came to my birthday party a few weeks later and we started hanging out all the time. Our intense nostalgia for each other and ease with which we picked up our old friendship culminated in a slightly drunken hook-up. I will spare you the details, but we are no longer friends. For me it was a lesson that some things are better left undone.
Curiosity killed the cat people!

Self-Defense for Dating, Lesson One

2009-09-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

Originally posted at JustaCasualObservation.com

What to do when a man is attempting to film you or take a picture of you in a public place.
Ladies,
I think we can all agree on a few things. Dating today is dangerous! With modern day hazards like media (camera phones, facebook, blackberries), mandals (grown men wearing thong flip-flops and sandals), and the death of chivalry, we have a minefield to navigate.

Welcome to Self -Defense for Dating.

As a black-belt in TaeKwonDo and over all Martial Arts enthusiast with over 10 years of training (I just started Brazilian Jujitsu!), I have ample experience in the Art of Self-Defense. Adding to my formal repertoire, as a single woman of 30, I have real life experience to draw from as well!
I have dealt extensively with the following:

macho assholes who are tough

macho assholes who are actually pussies

drug dealers

drug addicts, drug fiends, and whores

guys who think that because they took karate when they were 6 that they are Bruce Lee and wanna prove it to me

gorgeous liars

manipulative lovers (fuckers)

insecure whiners

over-confident pigs

immature mamma's boys

and generally all manner of fuck faced jerk*

*might be worth mentioning here that I'm from Chicago

I am here to tell you the secret ingredient to Self-Defense - it's Offense!

In martial arts, like chess, there is the concept of the Perfect Move. The Perfect Move will be both Offensive and Defensive. The idea is to not only hold your ground and protect your position (Defense) but to simultaneously, wage an attack or gain ground (Offense).

Lesson One: What to do when a man is attempting to film you or take a picture of you in a public place. (without your consent)

In a recent incident a dear friend of mine noticed a man walking behind her at an odd pace. She was dressed for work (in a skirt and heels) heading home on the train. After glancing back a few times she realized that he was trying to take a picture up her skirt with his camera phone! Her shocked response - to run, casually, away from him.

Her response was Defensive. She defended herself by removing herself from the situation. It served her immediate need - eliminating his ability to film her. This Defensive response is OK, but this move does not did not advance her position. It does nothing to address her feelings of anger, shame and embarrassment, nothing to deter him from doing this again, (maybe to her!), and nothing to warn the public.

One option for the Perfect Move here is to Open Your Mouth!

As you remove yourself from the situation, point at him and Loudly say something like, "That pervert is filming me!".**

With this short exclamation you are achieving Many Offensive results. 1. You are putting that jerk on the defensive with your words and shaming him. 2. You are warning the surrounding public of a predator in their midst and 3. You become emotionally empowered instead of feeing ashamed, abused or taken advantage of.

**Be forewarned that all perverts will deny guilt. (you should be long gone by now but) Do Not Doubt Yourself! You know what you saw.

Another option for the Perfect Move would be to Strike His Phone/Camera.

(Amazing that there is more than one Perfect Move in many situations! Hooray!)

His phone will likely be in close proximity to you and, also likely, he will be gripping it awkwardly.

Recently, I was able to execute this move effectively. At a bar's outdoor patio a man I didn't know, with his camera phone pointed at me, made a comment about filming me. Though he was not attempting to view me in a (sexually) compromising way, I had not agreed to be filmed and did not know this individual. In this case the best strike was a kick. I was able to swiftly kick his hand with the phone. Before he knew what was happening I had knocked his phone from his hand and into the street where it came to rest under a car.

In this move Offense is the Defense.

The Phone Strike met my immediate need - eliminating his ability to film me. It also put him on the Defense, weakening his position, now he has no iPhone and a busted hand. Additionally, he will not come near me again.

At no point should you feel any guilt about a broken hand or a broken camera/phone. This is combat ladies and people get hurt! It's just the price of doing business.

Same move for the shameless passive aggressive: kick his phone, knock him down and smack him in the head with your hand bag, all under the guise of those pesky heels making you trip! Silly lady! (this move is best in a crowded and public place and must be executed when you have an available escape route.)

I highly recommend working out and taking a Self-Defense or Martial Arts class. With a little physical confidence you will feel more comfortable executing a strike. You will be amazed at its effective and empowering qualities.

So in review, search for the Perfect Move. Open your mouth. Strike.
Sometimes Offense is the best Defense.

That’s all for today.

What goes through your mind when someone says "Let's go for a drink"?

2009-03-03T10:26:00.000-08:00

Sent to my by Jill. Awesome.

808s and Heartbreaks

2008-12-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

Best modern break up album ever. Kudos to Kanye.

Very Interesting

2008-12-10T18:34:00.000-08:00

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/sexdrive/2008/03/sexdrive_0314/#/

I've had this for a minute. Please Enjoy.

UGH! This is Terrible

2008-10-07T11:11:00.000-07:00

Text to my friend from her new guy:
im not gonna make it over 2nite. Or any other nite.
Ouch! Is this what dating has come to?

More on texting

2008-04-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

It's ok for famous people. Click here for an article on a recent Text message break up.
"It was completely mutual," Underwood told Extra at the taping of Idol Gives Back. "We broke up over text so ... it's like 'peace out.' "

Girl Gamers

2008-04-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

Giving as good as they get.

Welcome to the future of romance, folks.

2008-02-29T10:54:00.000-08:00

Will U Marry Me on TMZ's Live Stream?
02-28-2008
One man proposed to his girlfriend on today's TMZ Livestream -- and his prospective fiancee got back to him via text message! Welcome to the future of romance, folks.

Click HERE to watch the video!

Now, the! guy -- his name is Jared -- didn't get on his knees when he asked, and, let's face it, this ain't exactly the top of the Eiffel Tower or a beach in St. Barths. So what do you think she said?

thanks for spotting this Jess!

Reconnecting with Friends

2008-02-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

Interestingly, for me one side effect of the state of today's technology is that when I receive an actual phone call from my high school or college friends (not an email, not a text, but an actual call when they have to dial my number and talk and everything) I know something big is going on. And most likely it's focused around romance. Either someone is getting married or is pregnant. Extremely life changing events related to love/romance seem to be the topics that inspire person to person conversations. I've gotten other life changing news from friends via email/text (got a new job...illness in my family...moving to Vermont...got my PhD...broke up with my girlfriend...) but the "good romance" news always seems to come via phone call. So it's kind of funny to get an actual voicemail from an old friend because I pretty much know right away what they're going to say, or else I would have just gotten an email! It's good to know that there are still some things worth the phone call.

From woman in Chicago.

Perfectly Flawed

2008-02-16T22:53:00.000-08:00

From a male POV:

At first it seemed doable to try to maintain a long distance relationship with someone, because we had the video skype, and the google talk, and the multimedia messaging service, and so many other ways to simulate being there. But, oh how quickly it faded. A good video feed can't ensure that sarcasm will be understood, you can't properly comfort someone without putting your arms around them, and let's not even talk about sex. A million columns written by Regina Lynn at wired won't make cybersex more appealing than the real thing.

To get to the point, I ever so recently attempted to maintain a relationship with someone I met in person but happen to live a couple thousand miles away from. She being from a city that I had so very recently moved from, but didn't meet until a business trip, post move. Just stupid cosmic happenstance. She and I shared one completely clothed evening together and then continued to talk after returning to our respective home towns. We "communicated" over a number of different types of data connections for months before seeing each other in person again. She came out to visit me, and we had a great time. She would later come to describe this brief flirtation with reality as "perfectly flawed." At least that's how I remember the quote going. I refuse to open the e-mail, even though it is archived in my gmail.

It was a very slow process for me to realize that it wouldn't work out. What can I say, sometimes boys are just dumb. When it came to an end after a number of awkward phone conversations she was upset. She expected that if it was the real thing that I would drop everything and come to her. I don't fault her for this at all, in my heart I want to be idealistic in that way, but my jaded skin occasionally stops me. There were just too many things that didn't fit right. Things that would have made our incompatibility very quickly obvious in closer proximity.

The upsetting part though, is the slow aftermath. Her calling attention to the fact that she had removed me as a friend from a social networking site. Haunting status messages under her IM name like "i wish that without me your heart would break." I didn't want to just assume that it was directed at me, but I took the possibility into consideration.

Utter mortification!

2008-02-15T08:12:00.000-08:00

Another post by Jenny C:

Yet another reason why text messaging is the bane of my existence….

As discussed in my previous posting, I hate texting. So when I have a text/email repartee with a new guy, and we haven’t actually spoken a whole lot, I tend to respond to his “let’s hang out tomorrow”-texts with a “sure, call me tomorrow” reply. Inevitably, I either get a text in return the next day or nothing at all.

On one such day that I received nothing at all, I decided to tell my girlfriend. She was out at a loud bar, so I decided the best way to get my announcement across to her was through a text message. What happened then, you may ask. Nothing good, that’s for sure.

My message to her read something like: “Big surprise. He didn’t call me again.” Unfortunately for me, in my dislike of texting over the years, I have never become completely adept at it. So, of course you know what inevitably happened: I sent this message not to my girlfriend, but to the non-caller himself. Utter mortification! There is still no “recall” button for a text like there is for emails-gone-wrong.

I am swearing off important/scandalous/plan-making text messages. To do otherwise is just asking for more trouble.

PS – the non-caller actually responded to me…via text message. Oh yeah, a keeper.

An Actual Call; Not a Text

2008-02-14T11:37:00.000-08:00

This post was submitted by Jenny C from Chicago:

Why has text messaging replaced actual phone calls in today’s dating world? When I give my digits out to a new guy, it is with the hope that I will get a phone call. Now I understand that women are intimidating and all, but we’ve already spoken to each other! I’ve given you my number! But I guess that first “hi” after all the alcohol has worn off is a little scary, so a short “hello, wasn’t Friday fun? Let’s hang this week”- text isn’t so bad.

However, when I reply “sounds great – call me!”. I really mean it. Do not text me back to make plans. “Text” does not equal “Call”.

I hate making plans via texting for three main reasons: (1) It takes many many texts to solidify plans, (2) Lots of time out of my life wasted trying to text message is very annoying, and (3) When I go over my allotted text amount because of this plan-making exchange with you, it costs me extra money.

Let me reiterate, please do not text me to make first, second or even third date plans. I don’t know you yet, and my annoyance threshold is very low at this point still. Feel free to text to say hi during the day while I’m at work and can’t talk anyways, but when I say “call me”, I expect a call later on that evening or the next. It’s really just that simple. I’m not a bitch and ignoring your texts. I just hate texting. And I know that I am not the only female out there that feels this way! Just ask my girlfriends….

So, next time, just suck it up and make the call. If I don’t answer, leave a voicemail. I will call you back – an actual call; not a text.

Sperming vs Cyberworld

2008-02-14T09:09:00.000-08:00

This sent in by "Lori" in California

missy, i so love your 'technology relations' photos. what a brillant vision/statement on technology and it's intrusion in interpersonal communicaiton! How about the under the table text while talking at dinner? or better yet...my lil story:
i was once in bed with a tv exec who when laying on top of me grabbed his blackberry!! the nerve. needless to say, i did not marry him. ha!
I'm sure this happens to LOADS of women and men for that matter. what is the world coming to??? or not cumming due to technology. i'd love to see a study between sperm count and protable hand held device users. are men sperming less do to the cyberworld?

Valentines Day Post

2008-02-13T20:15:00.000-08:00

This idea about Technology and interpersonal relationships has been floating around in my mind for quite some time now. In fact, Valentines Day of 2003 was a major catalyst for this train of thought. I had spent New Year's Eve that year solo, as my then boyfriend had a video game playing party with his two male roommates on their new flat screen and whatever new game system had just come out. I was tentatively looking forward to Valentines Day, though we had never made a big deal about it. I went over to his house to exchange gifts and he had a box for me with some sweet hand drawn wrapping paper (see graphic to left). He handed it to me with a knowing smile and I was surprised by how heavy it was. I carefully preserved the paper and revealed my gift (drum roll….) an external hard drive for my computer. I wondered, is technology the end of romance?