Sunday, September 13, 2009


Awesome article on finding old lovers on facebook.(TIME.com) They are calling it "retrosexual".

excerpt:
Most retrosexual experiences seem to spring from an intense, almost uncontrollable mixture of nostalgia and interest. "You get a thrill out of finding an old girlfriend just to see if she still likes you," says W. Keith Campbell, a University of Georgia psychology professor and co-author of The Narcissism Epidemic. "You're curious to see what she looks like, and it's easy to fantasize about alternative courses your life might have taken." It's the same feeling that compels people to attend high school reunions.

Full Article

I have to admit this happened to me, sort of. A person I grew up with found me on fb. We never dated but had a long, (sometimes flirtatious) friendship and even made out a few times as teenagers. We had seen each other since all of that but had not hung out in maybe 7 years.
He came to my birthday party a few weeks later and we started hanging out all the time. Our intense nostalgia for each other and ease with which we picked up our old friendship culminated in a slightly drunken hook-up. I will spare you the details, but we are no longer friends. For me it was a lesson that some things are better left undone.
Curiosity killed the cat people!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Self-Defense for Dating, Lesson One

Originally posted at JustaCasualObservation.com

What to do when a man is attempting to film you or take a picture of you in a public place.
Ladies,
I think we can all agree on a few things. Dating today is dangerous! With modern day hazards like media (camera phones, facebook, blackberries), mandals (grown men wearing thong flip-flops and sandals), and the death of chivalry, we have a minefield to navigate.


Welcome to Self -Defense for Dating.

As a black-belt in TaeKwonDo and over all Martial Arts enthusiast with over 10 years of training (I just started Brazilian Jujitsu!), I have ample experience in the Art of Self-Defense. Adding to my formal repertoire, as a single woman of 30, I have real life experience to draw from as well!
I have dealt extensively with the following:

macho assholes who are tough

macho assholes who are actually pussies

drug dealers

drug addicts, drug fiends, and whores

guys who think that because they took karate when they were 6 that they are Bruce Lee and wanna prove it to me

gorgeous liars

manipulative lovers (fuckers)

insecure whiners

over-confident pigs

immature mamma's boys

and generally all manner of fuck faced jerk*


*might be worth mentioning here that I'm from Chicago

I am here to tell you the secret ingredient to Self-Defense - it's Offense!

In martial arts, like chess, there is the concept of the Perfect Move. The Perfect Move will be both Offensive and Defensive. The idea is to not only hold your ground and protect your position (Defense) but to simultaneously, wage an attack or gain ground (Offense).


Lesson One: What to do when a man is attempting to film you or take a picture of you in a public place. (without your consent)

In a recent incident a dear friend of mine noticed a man walking behind her at an odd pace. She was dressed for work (in a skirt and heels) heading home on the train. After glancing back a few times she realized that he was trying to take a picture up her skirt with his camera phone! Her shocked response - to run, casually, away from him.

Her response was Defensive. She defended herself by removing herself from the situation. It served her immediate need - eliminating his ability to film her. This Defensive response is OK, but this move does not did not advance her position. It does nothing to address her feelings of anger, shame and embarrassment, nothing to deter him from doing this again, (maybe to her!), and nothing to warn the public.


One option for the Perfect Move here is to Open Your Mouth!















As you remove yourself from the situation, point at him and Loudly say something like, "That pervert is filming me!".**


With this short exclamation you are achieving Many Offensive results. 1. You are putting that jerk on the defensive with your words and shaming him. 2. You are warning the surrounding public of a predator in their midst and 3. You become emotionally empowered instead of feeing ashamed, abused or taken advantage of.

**Be forewarned that all perverts will deny guilt. (you should be long gone by now but) Do Not Doubt Yourself! You know what you saw.


Another option for the Perfect Move would be to Strike His Phone/Camera.

(Amazing that there is more than one Perfect Move in many situations! Hooray!)

His phone will likely be in close proximity to you and, also likely, he will be gripping it awkwardly.


Recently, I was able to execute this move effectively. At a bar's outdoor patio a man I didn't know, with his camera phone pointed at me, made a comment about filming me. Though he was not attempting to view me in a (sexually) compromising way, I had not agreed to be filmed and did not know this individual. In this case the best strike was a kick. I was able to swiftly kick his hand with the phone. Before he knew what was happening I had knocked his phone from his hand and into the street where it came to rest under a car.

In this move Offense is the Defense.

The Phone Strike met my immediate need - eliminating his ability to film me. It also put him on the Defense, weakening his position, now he has no iPhone and a busted hand. Additionally, he will not come near me again.

At no point should you feel any guilt about a broken hand or a broken camera/phone. This is combat ladies and people get hurt! It's just the price of doing business.

Same move for the shameless passive aggressive: kick his phone, knock him down and smack him in the head with your hand bag, all under the guise of those pesky heels making you trip! Silly lady! (this move is best in a crowded and public place and must be executed when you have an available escape route.)


I highly recommend working out and taking a Self-Defense or Martial Arts class. With a little physical confidence you will feel more comfortable executing a strike. You will be amazed at its effective and empowering qualities.







So in review, search for the Perfect Move. Open your mouth. Strike.
Sometimes Offense is the best Defense.

That’s all for today.